IT’S TIME FOR CITIZENSHIP COURSES
A REAL MAN PROVIDES FOR AND SUPPORTS HIS FAMILY
February 27, 2018
“Chinking” YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS WITH GAVIN SHARPLES
March 29, 2018
HERE’S THE THING!
So, I’m standing in an airport bus, minding my own business and some halfwit right next to me is shouting into the phone about what the client said in a meeting. I thought, “Hey chop, can you dial it down please? And all 40 people in the bus don’t want to know about your flippen day.”
The traffic light turns green and Mr. Head-up-his-rectum doesn’t move because he’s on his phone. Joe Idiot is doing 40 k’s in the fast lane because he’s texting and “driving” at the same time.
I’m in a movie and Mr. and Mrs. Senior Citizen chat the whole way through the movie until I get up and politely tell them that I will move so that they may continue their conversation.
Mr. Few-crumbs-short-of-a-piece-of-bread gets to the top of the escalator and just stops at the top so he can decide in what direction he wants to walk. Never mind the 20-people smashing into each other behind him as the stairs keep pushing them off. Stopping at the top of an escalator to decide where you want to go should get a “flatty” on the back of the head.
Don’t get me started on neighbors, personal body space, hygiene, and people who burn trains because they don’t arrive at the station on time.
THE RULE
It seems that we definitely need to start running citizenship courses. I really think I’m on to something here. A compulsory course for all that starts at school and continues on into the workplace. Instead of learning how to label a fern or add up the bloody alphabet, (hey I just realized another day has gone by and I never needed algebra) kids should learn how to understand and celebrate each other’s differences; tolerance education should be compulsory (I think I need that one based on this month’s rant). Kids should know that when your homework isn’t done, it’s NOT OKAY to assault the teacher; or cheer the criminal on while she’s hitting the teacher. Oh! And instead of filming it, I dunno maybe HELP THE VICTIM! From school, you must continue your studies into the company you work for. We need to create a Citizen SITA, where we learn that other people matter, and how our conduct affects others around us.
THE REWARD
Courses explain to people that in order for us to live in harmony while in close proximity we have to wake up and be aware that our actions effect those around us.
THE HOW TO
Courses could cover subjects like:
Respect
You have to pass a test showing you understand that queuing in a place or in traffic is a mark of a polite, ordered, civilized society that respects a first come first serve philosophy. And that no matter who you are, you wait in the line for your turn. And if you are one of those people serving the people waiting in line – wake-up, do your job efficiently, be polite and helpful or everyone in the line is each given 1% of your salary.
Time Management
You will learn that when you are late for anything, it shows that you have no respect for the people you made wait for you. We teach them, that when you are late, you tell people that where you were was more important than where you should have been. If you are late you chose to be late. If it were important enough, you would have made it on time. And don’t add insult to disrespect by blaming traffic! Oh, really Sloth Boy, how do you think we all got here on time, teleportation? We took the same roads you did Tardy Terrance – only earlier.
Oh, and a special extra little course should be made for medical “specialists” and lawyers. You know the God complex individuals who keep you waiting in their reception area for hours and even take phone calls duringyour appointment.
Listening skills
Saying “sorry” or “excuse me” as a standard reply to anyone who speaks to you, even though you heard what was said – is punishable by having your eyebrows removed with a grinder. Stop talking, texting and multi-tasking and just listen!
Spam
Spam marketing in any shape or form should force the spammers to watch the Sharks play rugby. And if I’m forced to waste my time to click on “unsubscribe”, I don’t want to be directed to a site and interrogated as to why, and would I reconsider staying on a list I never authorized to be on in the first place. And no matter what I do, I still get the spam every month no matter how many unsubscribes I press. These chancers should be given season tickets to watch the Blue Bulls.
Selfishness, rudeness and just plain stupidity
Anyone not putting their weights away at the gym should have their membership revoked immediately and be made to clean the gym toilets for a year. Then, to those men and women who walk bare bum fully naked in the change rooms – “hey Bo Brummel put some pants on”. Nudity doesn’t offend me, but why is it that it seems to only be the most hairy, fat, old and wrinkly people who insist on walking around in croc’s and socks. I am a little sick of having to stop myself from throwing up every time I go to the bathroom. Read the rules of the gym and the sauna. It clearly states that you need to use a towel and put some flippen pants and a bra on Mrs. Tubby Raisin.
Don’t use or drink what is not yours at work. That should get you time at the financial conference where you are forced to listen to all the spreadsheet presentations.
Social Grace
“Hello how are you?” is not a question, it’s a greeting, so don’t give me the full medical report because no one is really interested. Your kids are lovely and adorable to you. No one else gives a toss. So when I ask how your kids are, “they’re fine” will suffice.
Driving
When turning left – turn left; don’t circle to the right to go left.
Park straight and don’t take up two spaces, the white lines are a clue.
Put your frikken phone in the boot when you’re driving.
Going over a speed bump at an angle, makes no difference to the average speed bump, but it does cause 20 people behind you to have an apoplectic rage fit.
Okay so there are too many for driving, so just wake up!
Most importantly, voting
Unless you can sit and pass an exam on how our constitution works, governance and the importance of holding politicians accountable, you are not allowed to vote. If you vote for idiots to run your country, you will get the government and the results you deserve. And when you do qualify to vote you get a 10% discount on your income tax when you actually vote.
I feel better now!
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Who wants in on my new school?
Dying to hear your inconsiderate citizen rants and possible course ideas.
WISDOM
“The best argument against democracy is a 5 – minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill
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39 Comments
Perfectly summarised, frustration on a page. But yet the truth is what should be written more often.
Refreshing to have someone say it as it is and at the same time realize that it is not my slow but steady aging which is causing the same reaction to the issues listed.
When common sense is no longer common.
I would love to teach one of these courses. The “Driving” and “Traffic” section alone will keep them busy for a month or two :)
Great advice
Thank you for some REAL solutions.
I love reading your emails.
Oh my gosh, Gavs-baby…. U are SO funny!!
Do you really think peeps in S.A. give a merda about anything in this country anymore?!?! Its me, for myself and only “eye”.
Give pick’npay at Park meadows a try – then U will more stuff to write on your blogs – they don’t give a crap about anything!!
Keep up the eggs-se-lent work – you’re a STAR
Ana
I understand that, in Japan, children learn the social graces before the 3 Rs. That is why, when there was a catastrophe (Fukushima for example) and the good citizens had to queue for everything – it was orderly. Good behaviour is just so scarce, but the politicians seem to operate right at the bottom of the trough – appalling.
I absolutely agree with you!!
This should be part of the school’s curriculum.
?? you are spot on there Gavin. Utterly amazingly good. Bless you and thank you
Absolutely awesome! Maybe you should go into politics, become the president and enforce all of the above. People have no consideration, sense or concern any more.
Great stuff as always Gav ! Morals and the value system are pretty much unheard of these days and they are certainly not always seen out there. A Citizen SITA is perfect ! Mix it with a bit of mirth and you might just have an awesome TV programme – educational, and fun! You go Gav!
Sign me up to be your representative in The small town I live in
Oh so true I wish you could put this out to all the idiots out there.Brilliant
Ernie..
Well put Gavin
Courtesy , Consideration , Commonsense. : the three c’s to be taught alongside the three r’s ? While on the sports analogies – perhaps an opportunity to do a 3c’s program for one or two cricketers ? I mean everyone knows bright yellow sandpaper and duct tape is too obvious – choose a white or a red piece and …… not down the front of one’s trousers – wear a hat while fielding ?
Would you be able to run a “For dummies” course in parliament, paying special focus of the education system?
So true Gavin, I have those traffic rage fits every day, and not even to talk about the kids these days that are rude and have no sense of right and wrong. We try to teach our kids the responsible way but others just don’t give a damn. I would be more than happy to teach that one at school. You go Gav, I love reading your mails and blogs. God Bless.
Haha, nice rant! Feel the same … I work for a pharmacy, and you won’t believe how many folks take a cell call during a dispensing consultation or when they get to the till, loud and oblivious to the queues behind them… and dare you say anything … They should be forced to drink a serious dose of laxatives before leaving the store!
I say: Gavin for president!!!! If only all would think before saying or doing! Respect etc. starts at home.
I shared this with my kids who, by the way, are fine :)
Brilliant! Just brilliant!
I fully agree with you Gavin we isolate ourselves from one another too easily. This in turn then then moulds you into a selfish human with no respect or care for anyone other than ourselves.
Cell phones are slowly taking away our sharing ability and turning us into hermits.
Kind regards
Chops Huysamen
Great commentary Gavin.
My kids mock me as being “old” and grumpy because I rant about the same things. Tolerance…pfft. I am patient and tolerant with all people that care about their neighbours, but my “Moermeter” shoots into the red instantly, when I am confronted with the instances you named.
As an educator of adults, I sneak in many of these examples in order to try and be a catalyst of some social reform. Well done for pursing it on your forum. I am positive you will be able to reach many more people. It is very needed. Keep up the great work and THANK YOU.
So Gav I bought my KFC at a full Johannesburg restaurant and the only space to sit was next to a lady sitting at a 04 sitter table by herself. Took my tray and walked over and like I initially do with all the people I meet (strangers or known persons), I greeted her “dumelang, ke kopa go go joina (hello can I please join you?)” and she looked me in the eye with a stone face and said nothing! That always hurts when you are being pleasant and sincere and you get passive hostility in return. Anyhow she finished her meal and left. She took about 04 paces when I noticed her I-phone on the table and called her, but she took one look at me and continued on her way. Nonetheless I alerted her that she forgot her phone and with an embarrassed face and tone of voice she said thank you. Honestly I couldn’t resist the temptation to say “and you didn’t even want to greet me and your hostility was so palpable…” At least she could say thank you. My good reaction was because of the informal education based on the above curriculum that I received from my grandparents and the rest of my family up to today. I agree, if this curriculum was to be formalise it would positively influence a lot of individuals and as spin off – society at large!
Great piece Gav!
Another rant, these people that feel a Red Robot means “pause” and go when you feel like it!. Not only hellishly dangerous but thoroughly inconsiderate!
Thanks Gav,
Unfortunately kids are a product of their parents! Where/when did it all go wrong? My kids, in their 30s now, were taught to greet someone by name especially friends parents not just “Hi”. Hopefully they’ll instil the same manners they were taught to my grandchild.
Don’t even start me on traffic – I’m in it ALL day.
And who gives you the right NOT to cancel an appointment that was confirmed only 3 hours early, and just not pitch up? You have a “mobile” phone – USE IT!!
I wish every one a peaceful and blessed Easter – stay home it’s better that way.
Brilliant!
Hope Denese books you again for this course!!!!!
One finds it very difficult to express ones feelings or pass comment, every time you open your mouth, “You’re being Racist!!”
Integrity, Honesty, respect, etc, starts at Home! You can only reinforce these Maxims at school, where there is Self respect.
Have a great Easter.
LOL you’re funny!!
Kind regards
And for the a&shole$ that creep up to the 4 way stop and then run over to claim they were there first, up yours!
Pet Hates:
Taxi drivers
Drivers who don’t say thank you when giving them a gap to change lanes
Taxi drivers
Drivers who change lanes without indicating their intention to do so
Tax drivers
Drivers who don’t acknowledge their mistakes
Taxi drivers
Drivers who ‘run’ traffic lights
Taxi drivers
Drivers who cruise through stop streets
Taxi drivers
Drivers who don’t stop at 4-way stop signs, or broken traffic lights
Taxi drivers
Drivers who don’t slow down at ‘traffic calming’ circles or who don’t wait their turn to ‘proceed safely’
Taxi drivers
Kids standing in the back of cars
Taxi drivers
BMW’s without indicator lights
Taxi drivers
Blue light convoys
Taxi drivers
Cops on the take
Taxi drivers
Drivers in the emergency lane
Taxi drivers
Drivers who park in the sun and leave kids/pets in the car with the windows closed
Taxi drivers
People who put their dustbins out the night before collection day causing the neighbourhood dogs to bark all night while the ‘recyclers’ scavenge through the bins
Taxi drivers
WP supporters
Taxi drivers
Drivers who drive as if they own a taxi
Did I mention Taxi drivers
Pet Loves:
SA
Proteas
Boks (even when they lose)
GP Weather
SAB
Lions Rugby
Lions Clubs International
Responsible parents
Kids with manners
Drivers with manners
Considerate people
SA Humour
SA wildlife
702
Long weekends
Family
Braaiing
Boerewors
Karoo lamb
Our many accents
The privileged of being a South African (despite our many problems)
Thank you Gavin, wisdom combined with fun and honesty. South Africa wake up, this is no longer the country of my choice of 50 years ago. The rot started at the top running like a waterfall down on everybody else. In the age of Selfies should make all of them look at themselves in the mirror, a terrible selfish foolish lot. I deal with greed and self importance , rudeness and stupidity all day long. My bucket load of patience and kindness and understanding my opposite is getting emptier. But than miracles happen suddenly, there is Easter and Christmas and a wonderful knight in shining armour or an angel with soft wings smiling, then my bucket fills up again. For next halfwit, head in his rectum and more.
This is hilarious, and so completely true !! I love your stuff .
It’s not wrong to be old, fat, wrinkly, or hairy. If someone else’s physical flaws are offensive to you that’s your business in all honesty.
I understand the implication here is not that you only nudity offensive when there are obvious surface flaws on the person’s body, however that really was a rude thing to say.
Wowuuuuuu awesome
Oh and how about when applying for a “JOB” which was advertised, make sure you are qualified and secondly fit all criteria set out in the advert e.g. do not apply for a post that states “mechanical engineer with 5 years experience” if you only have grade 11 with a Microsoft certificate for Windows 98 and 2 years experience as a general worker.
You are all i need to conquer the world Gavin. May the almighty God keep shining your life like armour and keep your brain sharper for you a life saver.
ALWAYS absolutely BRILLIANT Gav.
Hi Gavin ,
I Just had to comment albeit long after the event , brilliant ! I am past the use by date and have been carrying my senior citizen card for quite a while but would like to believe those who continually ask me when I intend growing up and stop behaving like a 16 year old juvenile delinquent haven’t notice my senior citizen status due to the stereotype behaviour associated with age, race, culture or whatever !
Thanks for the chuckle and have a great bowl movement which is not normally always the privilege of being a senior citizen ! LOL! J
Kind regards,
Gert DP